This Memorial Day weekend, I was invited to host a book signing event for The Feral Girl at Cypress Cove Nudist Resort, and it all went splendily. I had many pleasant conversations with guests and I sold every copy I’d brought but two. Nudist Gandalf and head librarian, Paul LeValley, also added my books to the American Nudist Research Library.
Driving into the resort, I didn’t quite know what to expect. From what I was able to garner from the web, I envisioned something a bit more upscale than Lake Como, my local place to let it hang, but I was wrong. Cypress Cove is in another league.
The first thing I noticed is how closely the resort sits to the textile world. Paradise Lakes, Caliente, Lake Como, and Hidden Breach in Cancun led me to believe that naked places are remote, off-the-beaten-path destinations. Not so with Cypress! Going past the stone sign, you can easily mistake the entrance for a suburban neighborhood. Need to run down to the hardware store real quick? There’s a plaza right across the street with a Lowe’s and a Chipotle.
The amenities at Cypress include two pools (one with a little rock waterfall), hot tubs, volleyball nets, tennis courts, a golf area, and full-sized playgrounds for the kids. They’ve also got giant beer pong, giant Jenga blocks, and inflatable waterslides, but I think these were special for the holiday. The only thing I found missing was pool volleyball, which I loved to play at Paradise Lakes. I was also surprised by the attention to detail, like the garbage and recycling bins exclusive to the resort. It’s like what you’d see at a big-name theme park, with every container sharing the same shape, color, and logo.
But what most impressed my wife and I was the overall cleanliness. I’ll be honest, I have yet to step foot into Como’s jacuzzi despite visiting the resort about a dozen times. I don’t wish to tarnish the good folks who work there, but it’s a big turn off when the paint is peeling from the railings and the equipment is starting to rust. When you’re naked, you’re more vulnerable and prone to infection (you don’t want to be stepping barefoot on a rusty nail), so everything needs to be Disney-levels spotless. And the “shower before entering the pool” signs are welcoming because there’s more than just a rustic spray nozzle to stand under, but little tiled rooms you’d love to have in your home. Of course, these rooms lack doors or curtains and face out to the pool area, but that really isn’t a problem if you’re a nudist.
If you need privacy, the bathrooms offer places to wash up and do your business. But again, it’s the little, island-theme touches that make you feel like you’re on vacation. I loved the carved wooden handles, the faucets shaped like bamboo stalks, and the bamboo doors leading into the bathroom stalls. Want to watch the game while using the urinal? Yeah, they’ve got that too.
Cypress Cove houses three restaurants, but my wife and I only had time to visit Cheeks Bar & Grill. In keeping with the island theme, the restaurant has an open, gazebo-like layout, with a high straw ceiling that helps manage the heat. It’s easy to forget you’re at a nudist venue, to think you’re at some beachfront sports bar, until you stand in line and see a dozen bare butts in front of you. The menu offerings are plentiful and they even have gluten-free bread, which is a huge plus in my book, because gluten doesn’t agree with me. My wife and I enjoyed the club sandwich with fries that was too big for either of us to finish.
The lake at the back of the property includes a white-sand beach, two covered piers looking over the water, and peddle-boats docked into little alcoves. But there isn’t much more by way of nature, which was my only disappointment. Lake Como covers a much bigger area, and the hiking trail can be immensely enjoyable, if not inspiring.
Now, I am not sure if it’s bad form to talk about the people, but I am going to talk about the people. I have been visiting resorts since I was in my 20’s (I’m 47 now), but I don’t think I have ever seen such raw humanity in all its varied forms. Every age, race, color, shape, and size was represented at Cypress Cove. We met young and old, black and asian, skinny and heavy-set, and one girl covered in Star Wars tattoos. One couple, I think, had five kids. And I couldn’t help but feel envious, wishing I could have been raised with the same free spirit, having spent much of my life hiding my nudist inclinations from family and friends, afraid I would be locked in a padded room.
There are more nudists in the world than I think anyone realizes, and I honestly could not pick a single trait unique to the people in attendance except a love for clothes-free living. Hell, the guy who organizes the events plays Dungeons & Dragons! I never thought I’d meet a fellow nudist and D&D player! The people I encounter at Como are retirees, which makes sense because the under 60 crowd has work and school and can only enjoy the nude life at home. But visiting a place like Cypress Cove on a busy holiday is a real eye-opener, a great way to experience the diversity in our community. Yes, we’re out there, and we’re not alone!
Bottom line: Cypress Cove is quite frankly the best resort I have visited (including Cancun), and I cannot wait to go back!